Get Off The Fence.

There is no place for emotions in a civilized society.  Even keeled, good tempered and the ability to outwardly project minimal fluctuations in emotions is a trait that at least makes it look like you have it together.  Civilized?  Maybe, maybe not.

Have you ever just seen someone totally lose control of their emotional disposition?  Wether it is anger, or depression, or sobbing, or whatever, the lack of emotional grip makes the person look out of control.  Mostly because they are.  The line between conviction in something and emotional control is blurred, but it's there.  Can one be passionate about something and have complete control over their emotional state?  I think so.  This week, I've decided to write about the dynamic relationship among emotions, how they influence public opinion, and what it means to be civilized.

Vanilla.  People have used this expression to describe a state of being of just sort of going with the flow. There is no conviction on either side of the fence.  There is no strong opinion about anything, really, at all.  The terminology is a metaphor.  Chocolate being an extreme on one side, and strawberry being the opposite extreme.  Those that choose vanilla, really don't lean one way or the other.  Vanilla is that center option, it is the "I can't get off the fence and choose a stronger option," option.  What might people think of me if I go strongly in the chocolate direction?  It will certainly alienate the strawberry people. And the converse is also true.  If I go in the strawberry direction, it will most certainly offend the chocolate people.  So this person is vanilla, ever so careful not to offend, ever so careful to try to identify with all groups, everywhere.  

So, then, I wonder, if being vanilla means not having your own opinions, or if it simply means you choose not to express those opinions since much of society can't seem to get a grip on their emotional state.  If I expressed a strong opinion one way, the unstable nature of society's emotional state could have consequences I simply don't want to deal with.  In fact, it could incite consequences that I feel that I'm above dealing with.  This whole freedom of speech stuff, while protection of it legally seems great, peer pressure is another matter all together.  The question then becomes how fast my government can save me from an angry mob of the general public?  Not fast enough.  Vanilla it is!  

Tolerance of opinion differences is a civilized idea, and can only occur with education.  That may be wrong.  Maybe it can only occur with intelligence.  And since intelligence can not be taught, we are evolutionary steps away from tolerance.  No amount of teaching can make a person tolerant of opinion differences.  It can only happen with a logical mind.  Emotions cripple the ability of the average person to achieve this.  And we are all emotional beings.  But we are also on the precipice.  Some people are intelligent enough to handle chocolate or strawberry.  Some people can look at things from different angles, get their pride out of the way and say, "When you explain it like that, I can see your position."  Some people can do it, but most cannot get outside of themselves to have this ability.

Our emotional depth is what makes us humans.  A robot can see things logically, but conviction, anger, sadness and art, all come from the heart and not from the brain.  When we lose our ability to stay vanilla despite how we feel, when we don't care about public reactions because there won't BE a public reaction, when logic rules and emotion doesn't exist, will there be anything worthy of conviction?  Without opponents to arguments, there is no argument.  Stay vanilla, but be against something.  Or stand for a strongly held belief.  Fight the fight if it is something you believe in, but listen to alternative opinions.  Be emotional, but be rational.  Be loud, then be quiet.  Be heard, but listen.  We enter debates too often with a closed mind, a mind that will not be swayed.  

We are changing, though.  A world without controversy--world peace--has always been an abstract idea.  And a highly-touted goal of Miss America contestants and politicians for lifetimes.  Evolution is the answer, and it is coming.  Make no mistake, we are emotional beings and we need that.  But we also need that one switch, that switch that we can turn on to allow us to consider alternative opinions.  We can never know all angles, and we need to realize that it might be possible that someone can explain an angle we haven't thought of.  So be chocolate, be strawberry, and be vanilla.  But don't select your position based on your emotional state.  It's possible to be neopolitan...

Check out my satirical fiction:

"Delightfully offensive!"  Slighted by humanity, God must put down the bottle long enough to save the world...

Buy "Shift!" on amazon

Prioritize Your Reliability

 Reliability is an important attribute to have, from every vantage point.  Of course employers want a reliable employee, but also from a personal standpoint, friends want reliable friends.  That's why, in this week's blog, I'm going to unravel the root reasons that people want other people to have that quality.

1.  Trust.  If you never do what you say you're going to do, you lose people's trust.  When no one trusts you, they know they can't count on you.  I almost called this point 'predictability.'  But if you never do what you say you'll do, well, then you do become predictable insofar as people will be able to predict what you're not going to do.  But ultimately, it boils down to how much trust you can garner from people.  People will only trust you when you have a proven track record of doing what you say you'll do.  In many cases, we humans often allow ourselves to trust people before they have given us a reason to trust them.  This is most likely due to the misplaced belief that other people have the same moral code that we ourselves hold.  Call me an optimist, but I honestly do still believe that people want to do the right thing in most situations, but ultimately it will come down to their ability to prioritize in a way that matches your priorities.  Let's be realistic here, though, everyone' priorities are skewed to lean toward what's important to them, individually.  When they make your priorities their priorities, they will build your trust.

2.  Good intentions.  "I planned on coming to work when I was scheduled, but I had a flat tire."  Unfortunately, the world doesn't function on good intentions.  Not when it comes to reliability.  Obviously, the example is a situation that couldn't be predicted.  But consider this:  you leave in enough time for work that any unexpected detour would still get you there on time.  Often, as a manager of staff, I have had people call out because their car wouldn't start, or their ride didn't show up, or some other excuse that rode soley on the back of a lack of transportation.  A reliable person would find a way.  Call a taxi.  Take the bus.  Ride a bike.  Their priority was not a match with mine.  My priority was to have employees that can help my customers.  Their priorities were not in line with mine.  They didn't find a way to make it work.  Unreliable.

3.  Do what you say you're going to do.  If you don't plan on doing it, don't promise it.  Politicians could take a lesson in this.  How frustrating is it when someone promises they'll do something and then they don't do it?  Pretty annoying.  Often, they fully plan on doing whatever it was they said they'd do.  Again--good intentions.  But their priority level of the task is not in line with yours and they forget, or something comes up, and point one is blown.  Trust is out the window.

4.  Be the person you would want someone else to be.  Blah blah blah....treat others as you would want to be treated...yada yada yada....gimme a break!  How much more cliche can it be, really?  It's true though.  Wouldn't you want someone else's priorities to match your own?  Would you want the things that are important to you to be important to everyone else?  Of course you would!  I often think about how everyone has their own agenda, their own self important mental view of the way things need to be.  It's a selfish view.  It has to be.  But at least in most of what we do, we are driving towards that self important agenda.  Can we, some of the time, not all, focus on what's important to others?  If we can do that, we will find that most people will pay it back by matching their priorities just a little closer to ours.  And that is where the magic happens.

5.  You have to pay it forward before it will get paid back.  A good deed, a nice gesture, the simple act of consistent reliability will get a return on investment.  People will trust you.  Good intentions will materialize into good actions.  People will do what they say they will do, and treat you as you would want them to treat you.  When you are a reliable person, people will reciprocate that back to you.

It's interesting to me that a good employee can be viewed that way based simply on reliability.  A good friend can be a good friend based simply on reliability.  A good parent, the same.  All positive interactions build on the foundation of reliability, because reliability is the root of trust.  People want to trust other people.  We want to trust others so desperately that we trust without proof that we should trust.  Why not be that breath of fresh air?  Make people confident that they can trust you because you are reliable.  Simple reliability will give you meaningful friendships.  It will get you promoted at work.  In a day and age where everyone is so focused on trying to selfishly gain the advantage, it is easy to let the selfish nature of others propel you by being reliable.  In other words, when people can count on you, in a world where that quality is rare, they will want you on their team.

Check out my satirical fiction:

"Delightfully offensive!"  Slighted by humanity, God must put down the bottle long enough to save the world...

Buy "Shift!" on amazon