Inspiration: Create. It.

     There is a stark contrast between letting things happen to you and making things happen for you.  I think most of us, most of the time, just idly let things happen to us.  We are more reactive than proactive.  This is not an insult, just an observation of human nature.  None of us are always firing on all cylinders.  It's just not possible.

     This week, I decided to write an inspirational blog.  Well, semi-inspirational, since I plan on throwing in a little shot of reality too.  I often find that inspirational allegories are so outside of reality, they often work in contradiction to what they're trying to achieve.  Nothing can ever be absolute, and one could look at these snippets of inspiration in two ways:  

     1.  Take it for what it is.  You know you'll never quite achieve the perfection of whatever inspirational quote you're reading or trying to achieve, but you know in trying to get there, you will at least be a little better off than you were before.

     2.  The inspirational words aspire to a too perfect view and you are defeated before you even start.

     I think most of us try the former, but lately, I've been on the latter.  And that's not to say I'm in a deep state of depression or have a defeated worldview.  I'm just being realistic.  Inspirational quotes or memes or sonnets or blogs--whatever(you get the idea here)--so often serve to remind me what I'm not doing that I should be doing.  Granted, that's probably not what the writer had in mind.  

     Here's an example: "Don't let outside influences halt your personal motivation.  You can do anything you desire."  Not a great one, but nonetheless, it's meant to inspire and motivate.  And let me know if I'm reading too deeply into it, which, nevermind, I know I do that sort of thing on a regular basis already--BUT most people read something like that and gloss over it, never giving it another thought.  Most people will read it and go, "Hmmmmm.  Well, yes, that's right, I shouldn't let outside influences control me or get me down."  But then not another thought is spared about it.  

     I, on the other hand, consider it, weigh it, analyze it, and quite probably I am thinking way too deeply into it than intended.  How can an inspirational quote start with the word Don't?  Seems to start off negatively there...

     Also, I have a real problem with the idea that some stranger is trying to tell me what to do.  But by the suggestion of the quote, I shouldnt let this quote(which is an outside influence) halt my personal motivation.  So I guess if I'm trying to follow and enact this in my daily life, and if this quote is serving to demotivate me, should I not allow it?  But I think I'm getting off point here.

     No one can be constantly productive.  That's where I was going.  I see so many people yearning for that big break, that one knock of opportunity.  They are dying to get out of dead end jobs and poor relationships.  They want so desperately to live the life they imagine it should be.  We all have had that attitude at some point I suppose.  But the real problem I see is that many people that feel that way, sit there, immobile, hoping that the change will come without any sort of action on their part.  They want that change so badly, but they don't take steps to create that change.  In a perfect world, everyone would be handed their own personal key to happiness without ever having to work for it.  It's what we all want, right?  Well, sorry, it's most likely not going to happen until you take some action.

     I would love to win the lottery. Oh man!  Would I self-gluttonize!  I sit in my recliner with my tablet in hand checking the numbers week after week to no avail.  Success doesn't seem to come.  But I'm sitting there, just waiting to win it!  Oh, by the way, I never bought a ticket.  That's essentially what we are doing: hoping to win a lottery we never bought a ticket for.  You must take some sort of action for something to occur.  It will not come if you stay actionless.  That's the point.  You must create your opportunities.  But, how then, does one obtain the inspiration?

     This, I believe is where almost everyone fails.  No one seems to be doing anything.  Like zombies they simply trudge on, hope driving them but oblivious of the requirement to take action.  Hope, but no action.  If you choose to do something, you are already at the top of the class.  You exponentially have a better chance at achieving your dream, whatever it may be.  To me, that is inspiration enough.

     Inspiration cannot come from an external source.  You must be inwardly moved.  A simple quote can be a catalyst for that inner inspiration, but ultimately, it is your willingness to take action.  THAT is what inspiration is.  If we can learn to create that desire to take action within ourselves, maybe the dream can become a reality.  Until then, like most of society, we dumbly accept our lot in life and take no action to achieve our dreams.  Since we--and by 'we' I mean most of the rest of society--since we are squared firmly inside the mediocre bucket, any movement toward the dream will distinguish you away from that mediocrity.  That is an encouraging thought.  More encouraging than that, though, is realizing that the dream can be within reach, if only you make the move to extend your arm and reach out your hand.  Then at least for you, the dream will be closer to your outstretched fingers than the guy standing next to you, with both arms planted firmly at his sides.


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Small Talk Is Vampiric

      I think I'm personable.  I think I get along well with others.  I outwardly accept most situations, even though sometimes someone throws a serious curveball and I'm ill prepared to mask my surprise.  Most of this may seem intangible so I'm prepared to back it up with examples.  But before the example backup, ask yourself how well you roll with the punches.  I guess it's not necessarily even punches I'm talking about, because that implies a hardship, and even though that's a portion of what I'm talking about, it's more frequent.  Ask yourself how well you can make someone feel that you relate to them.  How well do you put people at ease, allowing them to feel safe enough to give you a glimpse into their twisted lives?  I feel that I have, in some scope, refined an ability to do this.  It sounds sociopathic.  It sounds like social engineering or psy ops.  I suppose it is on its most basic level.  It's social guerrilla warfare, a manipulation of perception swayed in your favor to gain an insight not just anyone can gain.

     As a general rule, I'm not a "small talk" kind of person.  It's awkward and irrelevant.  Small talk is, at best, a disengenuous act of feigning compassion about someone else's concerns.  I'm more of a "say what you need and then let's shut the hell up" kind of person.  This may sound a bit harsh, and maybe I don't mean it quite as harsh as it seems to sound.  Basically, I want my conversations to stay relevant.  I have been known to tell people that I think their story is too long.  I can fake interest in brief sections of time.  But when someone's story drags on and on, I get antsy.  Gotta keep moving.  I liken it to someone telling me what they dreamed.  This is so irrelevant, it makes me want to cry vomit.  Yes, cry vomit, since it's so sad and nauseating at the same time.  What happened in your dream is pointless and holds no bearing on real life(I'll not get into a debate about psychic phenomena or future predictions from dreams, here).  Often, when someone is explaining their dream, it is an ill-constructed, plotless, weird recount of events that have no structure or climactic payoff.  They all end with "then I woke up."  There is no character development, and no plot line resolution.  Its a waste of time.  The only format in which dream recitation is acceptable to me is in two to three sentence explanations.  "I dreamt that you had a goats head, then we hunted you and ate you for dinner.  Pretty weird, huh?"  Quick, to the point, and a breath of fresh air.  So, I'm getting off the dream stump now, and back to what I'm trying to convey.

     Since I get bored with small talk and everyone seems to want to do it, I have no choice but to engage in it so I can fit under the societal umbrella of normal.  So I often play a game.  I roll with what people tell me.  I feign interest.  I ask follow up questions and I listen way more than I talk.  If you ever get a chance to watch two people engage in small talk, I recommend that you look at it through this prism:  Every intention that the two people have during the interaction is to twist the conversation into something meaningful and relevant to them.  It's a struggle for floor time, a struggle for each of them to keep the conversation about themselves, to gain control of the spotlight.  If I get stuck in a small talk situation(which is not that often, since I'm easily put off by it), I allow it to be about the other person.  I don't grapple for the focus.  It's interesting to me because it makes people really feel that I care.  But it's also exhausting because I am loading up on someone else's emotional baggage.  If I could come up with a way best to explain it, I would call it "emotional energy transference."  I am letting someone use me to unload their emotional energy and so I absorb it, making them feel better and me feel like I now have their emotional weight.  These people are energy vampires, off-loading their negative energy and corrupting my positive energy.  That's why I don't like to engage in it.  It's exhausting. 

     You'll find that when you don't wrestle for the focus in conversations, people will tell you way more than you expect to hear.  And also, your reaction will alert them as to wether they feel safe to continue or if they feel that they've said too much and back off.  I always try to handle whatever people tell me as normal and not too far off the beaten path, even when it is way outside the grid.  "Oh, you killed your girlfriend last night?  Hmmm.  Sounds reasonable.  How'd you do it?"  This makes them feel safe and they will continue, knowing now, that you are not judging and are sympathetic to their point of view.  

     So, I'm obviously and constantly thinking inwardly.  Outwardly, I accept what people tell me.  Inwardly, I'm thinking crazy thoughts about this killer I'm talking to and how I hope they don't kill me, and how can I get out of this conversation without getting kilt.  (Decided to use the vernacular of "killed."  I don't know, maybe now I'm getting bored with my own story)...

     So anyway, I guess this post is about holding a reaction to get more insight because it makes people feel more comfortable.  And I guess it's about how if I can avoid it, I will, but also, if I can't avoid it, I try to seem genuinely interested to build that trust to see how much I can get out of them.  Mostly it's about how bat-shit crazy my mind is, and how long conversations suck the life out of me.